This rambling story will take you step by step through my thought processes ~ not because my mind runs in an orderly manner ~ rather because I wish to share my conclusions with you. Also, let it be known that I often ramble and rummage through my mind ~ especially while driving. Drive-time is my best time for fantasizing and day dreaming. So bring on the traffic! (Just a tidbit to help you through "traffic-time.")

It was a clear, crisp night and as I was driving to Newport, Rhode Island, I began to think about one of my children who was making a major geographical move in life. This child has had a harder time than some of my other kids in figuring out "life."

The thought that popped into my head is, "How brave this person is!" Brave because this person chose an especially hard road to travel in life. "Typical," I thought because everything this child has ever done has been done the hard way! My thoughts travel on to: impressed, "Wow, how courageous ... how incredibly courageous" to go through life learning this way. I wouldn't want to because it's so hard and I don't know if I have the endurance! And I found myself going through each of my six children ~ one by one ~ in order of how difficult or different their lives were from what society calls "normal." Suddenly a vision came into my head of spirits ~ up in heaven ~ looking down and deciding to take the big plunge and come down to earth to learn the lessons they need in order to continue to grow spiritually.

Moving right along, my mind flows on to carry on a conversation with myself as if I were in the heavenly realm. "Whoa ~ this is decision-making, big-time!" I'm certain it's much nicer up here. "But, wait ... wait a minute. Look how time flies down there on earth. Life only lasts a few minutes. Hey, what the heck, I can handle anything for a few minutes ~ but not a moment longer!" Okay, so far this makes sense to me. But now who are going to be the parents? So these beautiful spirits up there have to choose parents down here. And not just any parents. Good parents, bad parents, happy parents, sad parents, mean parents, nice parents, scared parents, confident parents, guilty parents, strong parents, weak parents, timid parents ... or components, thereof? What a decision! "Oh, right - life only lasts a few minutes. Gulp, I can do anything for a few minutes. I need to learn ___________ lessons (fill in the blank) so I'll pick that set of parents."

And the next thing you know, you're on earth and can't remember a darn thing about being up there or why you're down here! "And life lasts for years ... Oh, no ~ what have we gotten ourselves into?" asks our beautiful little spirit selves who are trapped in all kinds of different bodies (depending on the lessons we decided ourselves we needed).

Rummaging some more, my mind jumped, leaped actually, onto the fact that my child with the most difficult/different life is one of these beautiful spirits who chose me as the mother. From up there, this spirit thought maybe I could be helpful? "Wow! How neat!!" Again I went through each child and their chosen life style and felt luckier and luckier that these spirits chose me. I felt proud to be their mother and the harder their lives, "the prouder I be."

But wait - proud wasn't the right word. It just didn't fit. Do you know what I mean? I didn't do anything, they did. I didn't do the choosing, they did. So what is this feeling? Sometimes, you know, it's hard to pinpoint a feeling or an emotion. That's why "rambling" time is so nice. Eventually I did settle on a feeling that fits me just right. I feel honoured and humbled and overwhelming grateful that my children chose me for their parent. And as I shared this with each of my children, I said to them, "I love you. Thank you for being my child."

The strangest thing has happened to me since this rambling jaunt through my mind. I see people differently. And differently for me means really differently because I never saw people as most individuals do in the first place! I do not notice clothing, hair, eye, or skin color. If someone were dressed really weird, I'd never notice. I mean we're talking about me having a serious deficit here. A person who can't risk wearing slips anymore because once I feel something brushing my legs, I think I'm already wearing a skirt. I can't begin to tell you the number of times I have left the house with only a slip on or finding out at the end of the day that I had two different shoes on. (This is not as embarrassing as when I once wore my dress backwards though) ... I bet my six children in spirit form got together and saw I needed lots of help.